Marriage - Bliss or Prison?

[Franco Cozzo]

Hypothetical discussion here -

Your 'partner' isn't happy in the relationship and 'wants' aren't being met, maybe they've just got bored or things have taken a turn for the worse physically/mentally and they're not into it anymore.

They approach you and they've mentioned

A) Wants aren't being met
B) This has been happening for a while
C) If things don't improve they'll leave for greener pastures

They suggest opening up the relationship to involve others to sort out those 'wants' (use your imagination)

Would this end the relationship and you'll be willing to put the assets up in court or would you be open to compromise (applies to you also) for a chance of keeping decades of blood sweat and tears out of the hands of lawyers?

I've met plenty of interesting people Australia wide from all walks of life from very well off professionals and successful business owners to the 'Average Joe/Josaphine' and a common theme that comes up is that they love the mother/father of their children and their relationship but they're getting the wants serviced elsewhere by other means as it just faded/fell off.

If you're staunchly against said suggestions and it would end the relationship - is through societal/religious construct that would prevent you from heading down this path?

Don't go into detail, just an outline of your thoughts.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

Hypothetical discussion here -

Your 'partner' isn't happy in the relationship and 'wants' aren't being met, maybe they've just got bored or things have taken a turn for the worse physically/mentally and they're not into it anymore.

They approach you and they've mentioned

A) Wants aren't being met
B) This has been happening for a while
C) If things don't improve they'll leave for greener pastures

They suggest opening up the relationship to involve others - ie could be involving sex workers or swingers parties, dating apps for casual hookups etc.

Would this end the relationship and you'll be willing to put the assets up in court or would you be open to compromise (applies to you also) for a chance of keeping decades of blood sweat and tears out of the hands of lawyers?

I've met plenty of interesting people Australia wide from all walks of life from very well off professionals and successful business owners to the 'Average Joe/Josaphine' and a common theme that comes up is that they love the mother/father of their children and their relationship but they're getting the wants serviced elsewhere by other means as it just faded/fell off.

If you're staunchly against said suggestions and it would end the relationship - is through societal/religious construct that would prevent you from heading down this path?

Don't go into detail, just an outline of your thoughts.

For me, I would question what I am doing wrong to not fulfill the 'role' in the relationship for them to look at it as a deal breaker.

That said, I am religious and very intent on keeping things monogamous. If said partner were to pursue someone outside of the confines of the marriage bond, its over as far as I'm concerned.

The non reciprocating partner would have to be abusive in the worst way to think otherwise.

As far as Im concerned, looking for 'greener pastures' is a cop out to pursue a selfish motive of gratification.

My question to those who have this line of thinking is, have you actually tried to talk and work through the problems or looking for the easy way out?

[Ratmick]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

Hypothetical discussion here -

Your 'partner' isn't happy in the relationship and 'wants' aren't being met, maybe they've just got bored or things have taken a turn for the worse physically/mentally and they're not into it anymore.

They approach you and they've mentioned

A) Wants aren't being met
B) This has been happening for a while
C) If things don't improve they'll leave for greener pastures

They suggest opening up the relationship to involve others to sort out those 'wants' (use your imagination)

Would this end the relationship and you'll be willing to put the assets up in court or would you be open to compromise (applies to you also) for a chance of keeping decades of blood sweat and tears out of the hands of lawyers?

I've met plenty of interesting people Australia wide from all walks of life from very well off professionals and successful business owners to the 'Average Joe/Josaphine' and a common theme that comes up is that they love the mother/father of their children and their relationship but they're getting the wants serviced elsewhere by other means as it just faded/fell off.

If you're staunchly against said suggestions and it would end the relationship - is through societal/religious construct that would prevent you from heading down this path?

Don't go into detail, just an outline of your thoughts.

Hey Damo, been there, and whereas I didn't 'do that' my Ex certainly did with two lesbian affairs (the last one was not the end of it for her, but it was the end of it with me).

In her case her 'needs' or 'wants' weren't being fulfilled as I had one penis too many (I only have one).

In my case my 'needs' or 'wants' were secondary and not in the equation.

She did suggest an 'open marriage' and staying together for the kids but you know me, I'm pretty old-school and that is not who I am.

...so we separated just short of twenty years, mostly amicably, and a few years later we were divorced. She took her pound of flesh, as she was entitled to, and I put my nose down/bum up and tried bringing up our three kids (she left them behind).

However we separated in August 2007 and in September 2007 I met my current partner and we're still together, despite the best efforts of my kids and my mother early on, and her youngest daughter the last few years.

Do I regret it? No.

Do I hate women? Of course not.

Do I hate divorce lawyers/the Family Court? No, but they're not my favourite people.

Hate is a strong emotion and it tires you out holding onto it.

Would I get married again? That is a tough one as Glen and I have both had our heads kicked by previous partners and we're a bit...mentally scarred

We have lived together since 2008 though, and became engaged on September 29^th 2017 (we met on Grand Final Day 2007). I wouldn't mind getting married again, at some point, but not until her daughter has left home. It won't be a big shindig though, it'd be small and informal.

[PG2]

Originally Posted by Ratmick

...

We have lived together since 2008 though, and became engaged on September 29^th 2017 (we met on Grand Final Day 2007). I wouldn't mind getting married again, at some point, but not until her daughter has left home. It won't be a big shindig though, it'd be small and informal.

There is a couple of us willing to help you with that...

[GasoLane]

Originally Posted by PG2

There is a couple of us willing to help you with that...

Heathcote next year would be ok.

[Ratmick]

Originally Posted by PG2

There is a couple of us willing to help you with that...

Originally Posted by GasoLane

Heathcote next year would be ok.

Many thanks for your offer but this one needs to play itself out...

...no matter the amount of irritation she causes me in the meantime

She's still her mother's daughter, and the youngest of six.

Glen has come through successive bad relationships and the last one left her with almost nothing but her kids and a small amount of dignity. The apron strings are still tied pretty tightly to Chloe and I can't let go for her, it has to come in its own time.

It's ok, I can wait...

[Franco Cozzo]

Originally Posted by Ratmick

Many thanks for your offer but this one needs to play itself out...

...no matter the amount of irritation she causes me in the meantime

She's still her mother's daughter, and the youngest of six.

Glen has come through successive bad relationships and the last one left her with almost nothing but her kids and a small amount of dignity. The apron strings are still tied pretty tightly to Chloe and I can't let go for her, it has to come in its own time.

It's ok, I can wait...

Playing the long game like the CCP