A joke for Thursday - oldie but a goldie

[Lightning Strike GT]

YOU MIGHT BE A RICER IF:

1.You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
2.You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
3.Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
4.17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.
5.You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
6.You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
7.DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
7.Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
8.A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
9.Your rims and tyres are so large, that you have to install the tyre / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
10.The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
11.Your tyres / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."
12.Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the colour spectrum.
13.You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tyres to get them to stick out past the fender.
14.You see cars like yours in a children parade and clowns are driving them.
15.You bring an empty 1kg Nascafe coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
16.Your knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
17.You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
18.You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
19.The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
20.You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
21.You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
22.You install clear corner and brake lights.
23.You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
24.You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
25.You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
26.If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
if you can fit your fist into your exhaust tip
27.You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
28.If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
29.Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
30.EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
31.You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camry
32.You want the 'BOV' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
33.You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the GT-P.
34.The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
35.If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
36.You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
37.A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
38.You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
39.If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
40.If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
41.If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.

[PULLY6]

Originally Posted by AU XR8

6.You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission

10.The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...

16.Your knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."

20.You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!

21.You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.

Well... yeah? So what? My car is still cool! :

[Jaeger]

Reminds me of this

[Rmyers]

Originally Posted by AU XR8

10.The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...

I wonder what they would say to laminge if he took his car to get fixed under waranty?? Must be a ricer then aye...

Originally Posted by AU XR8

21.You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.

Since when is lowering a ricer thing??

Originally Posted by AU XR8

27.You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!

Meh, I pump more watts into my front speakers alone than i have engine torque (not to mention rears and subs). Nothing wrong with having a decent stereo...

Originally Posted by AU XR8

34.The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.

Most e-series cars do that from factory...

The others are pretty funny tho....

I gotta print me a few of those rice citation tickets lol...