Depression, Anxiety

[LG17]

We've just about made the decision to sue Workcover and EQ.
I have to be careful as I don't want this to be a major downer for my wife.
I've been finding out all I can and presenting all the facts and letting her make the final decision as it will be a lot harder on her than me.

[DFB FGXR6]

Given the choice, I tend not to speak. Don't speak, don't offend anyone. But apparently even that offends people. I'm running out of options.

[FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

Given the choice, I tend not to speak. Don't speak, don't offend anyone. But apparently even that offends people. I'm running out of options.

So then just speak your mind. If you're going to be in the poo, you might as well do it properly. And at least you'll feel better coz you've got things off your chest.

The first thing I learnt about mental first aid, is that to be able to support others, you first need to be in a healthy enough state yourself. A bit like your situation. If others feel comfortable enough to speak their mind, then you should be able to, too.

[T3rminator]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

Given the choice, I tend not to speak. Don't speak, don't offend anyone. But apparently even that offends people. I'm running out of options.

If you want to be liked, then keep quite and keep nodding. If you want to be happy, then speak your mind.

Though take note, bottling things up just builds up pressure. And there will come a time when the pressure gets too much and people blow their lid. That was me, 10 - 13 years ago, got me into a A LOT of trouble.

[LG17]

It seems that suing EQ and Workcover is near impossible.
The way the laws/rules are written you may have a chance if you're dead.
Struggling to stay alive doesn't count, apparently.

[Vekgib]

I've pretty much come to the end. Got my plan sorted, and 99% settled on the date that I'm going to put it in place. Tired of being an inconvenience to those people who I thought I could trust.

[jaydee]

Originally Posted by Vekgib

I've pretty much come to the end. Got my plan sorted, and 99% settled on the date that I'm going to put it in place. Tired of being an inconvenience to those people who I thought I could trust.

Not sure what the plan is, but hope it means you're resigning and hopping in your car and frucking off on a long road trip up the coast and only stop when you run out of money.

[Trendseeker]

Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or check out the services at https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ before you go any further.

[Ben73]

I think a lot of people don’t realise how bad social media is for your brain. Social media is designed to give you constant dopamine hits. These constant hits of dopamine rewire your reward pathways. Then when you don’t get these hits your become more depressed, anxious and all the stuff you don’t want.
Any video platform like TikTok is even worse.

We need to move away from social media to create a better society and better mental health for everyone. It’s just a shame how addicting social media is made to be.

[Citroënbender]

Just a weekly 24H “disconnect” may be helpful to break a recursive cycle of negative influences. Not a solution in itself but as an adjunct to varying routine.

[Citroënbender]

A friend has just told me she’s going dark (my expression) with family and most of her friends until January. Not overly young at mid 30s but a bit autistic and her trusting nature - taking people at face value - has led to some difficulties in life. Of course I’ll be worrying, and hoping things go OK until she comes out the other side.

[whitelion65]

Hold a little candle for her!

Return to golf today. Lovely weather for it in the Central-west.

[mondeomatureguy]

Hi everybody,
i havent been on the forum for a while due to different working hours etc.
last year some time i was talking about my wife and how she didnt want to leave the house, go out for lunch or even a walk.

iam happy to report that things are a lot better now. I brought her a exercise bike and first she just rode it for a short time once a day. She rides it twic a day now and has lost 20 kilos in weight.

Iam very proud of her as she was getting down due to her weight and what ever i said didnt seem to help.
We even went out to lunch during the week So thanks guys for the advice you gave me it did help.

[DFB FGXR6]

Symptoms, Causes, Assessing and Treating Clinical Burnout........



Certainly some alarm bells there for me.

A lack of value or interest in what you are doing, and the sense of meaning going away. Emotionally tired, a short fuse, cynical. Too much identity wrapped up in your work.


Why People Aren't Happy................

[Cav]

I've started helping war veterans in their dealings with DVA something I did for 10 years about 8 years ago and I have recently started to help veterans again here in Yeppon.

My how DVA has changed. They are concerned about Veterans now. I got two calls today from DVA staff concerned about blokes I am assisting. Years ago it was very adversarial. I mentioned this to one of the staff and she said that was until 5 years ago when they brought in a new unit to care for veterans.

I have a Navy guy who is suicidal, his wife died a couple of years ago and he has moved to Yeppoon because his son lives here.

I see him about 3 days a week at the table of knowledge - a coffee shop where us veterans hurl abuse at each other.

He is still a work in progress and we have him seeking help now, but a psych visit is still a couple of months away due to demand and supply.

Over the years I've realised that you can try and support people, but unless they are willing to address their problems, it is a waiting game until they say, "I need help."

Life is a gift, live it

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by Cav

I've started helping war veterans in their dealings with DVA something I did for 10 years about 8 years ago and I have recently started to help veterans again here in Yeppon.

My how DVA has changed. They are concerned about Veterans now. I got two calls today from DVA staff concerned about blokes I am assisting. Years ago it was very adversarial. I mentioned this to one of the staff and she said that was until 5 years ago when they brought in a new unit to care for veterans.

I have a Navy guy who is suicidal, his wife died a couple of years ago and he has moved to Yeppoon because his son lives here.

I see him about 3 days a week at the table of knowledge - a coffee shop where us veterans hurl abuse at each other.

He is still a work in progress and we have him seeking help now, but a psych visit is still a couple of months away due to demand and supply.

Over the years I've realised that you can try and support people, but unless they are willing to address their problems, it is a waiting game until they say, "I need help."

Life is a gift, live it

I have never met you Cav, but I can say with confidence that you are a true gentleman and a wonderful human being.

[FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

Symptoms, Causes, Assessing and Treating Clinical Burnout........



Certainly some alarm bells there for me.

A lack of value or interest in what you are doing, and the sense of meaning going away. Emotionally tired, a short fuse, cynical. Too much identity wrapped up in your work.


Why People Aren't Happy................

We've had a series of presentations done by our employer regarding psychosocial hazards, and as part of that, the presenter has used this model to represent where we are at in our working careers.

This came at a very useful time for me as I had been suffering at work for some time, but couldn't verbalise as to what the cause was, in such a way that others could appreciate it.

Now, I'm not suggesting this is you, DFB, but some of the effects you're feeling could also manifest themselves due to bore out. Or, as Tanya puts it, demorilisingly under-utilised.

https://tanyaheaneyvoogt.com/wp-cont...RfFtrFT6W4qH4f

Originally Posted by Cav

I've started helping war veterans in their dealings with DVA something I did for 10 years about 8 years ago and I have recently started to help veterans again here in Yeppon.

My how DVA has changed. They are concerned about Veterans now. I got two calls today from DVA staff concerned about blokes I am assisting. Years ago it was very adversarial. I mentioned this to one of the staff and she said that was until 5 years ago when they brought in a new unit to care for veterans.

I have a Navy guy who is suicidal, his wife died a couple of years ago and he has moved to Yeppoon because his son lives here.

I see him about 3 days a week at the table of knowledge - a coffee shop where us veterans hurl abuse at each other.

He is still a work in progress and we have him seeking help now, but a psych visit is still a couple of months away due to demand and supply.

Over the years I've realised that you can try and support people, but unless they are willing to address their problems, it is a waiting game until they say, "I need help."

Life is a gift, live it

About bloody time they changed! The operation of that department was a disgrace. Our local member, Darren Chester, was the Minister for Veterans Affairs. I don't know exactly how much impact he had as the Minister, but he was certainly talking the right language in terms of how important it was to look after our veterans.

When my father, an ex-serving member passed away from cancer, my mum reached out to our local DVA office to see what assistance she could get. The department was hopeless. Luckily, some of the local guys who knew dad helped mum through some of the process, but I still think she got short-changed.

Over the years I've realised that you can try and support people, but unless they are willing to address their problems, it is a waiting game until they say, "I need help."

Like any issue, the first step in being able to resolve it is to recognise you have an issue on the first place. I recall this being said about alcoholics many years ago, but it is true for any issue. In my experience, having the person acknowledge there is an issue is by far the hardest step.

Good on you for all the support you offer, Cav. It is people like you who are the real backbones to our country (and I don't just mean that from the veteran's perspective).

[Interceptor]

Whats got me at the moment is how some people, that you'd normally consider to be more tactful can be so damn insensitive and uncaring.

[Citroënbender]

I read the NSW Police media updates most days, partly to see what they’re thinking (per official comments) and partly to get an idea of what is actually going on in their sphere of activity.

Since late December, there appears to have been an uptick in the number of men going missing, most aged between early forties and later fifties, followed by a body being found with “no suspicious circumstances”. It’s quite sad in a way.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by Citroënbender

I read the NSW Police media updates most days, partly to see what they’re thinking (per official comments) and partly to get an idea of what is actually going on in their sphere of activity.

Since late December, there appears to have been an uptick in the number of men going missing, most aged between early forties and later fifties, followed by a body being found with “no suspicious circumstances”. It’s quite sad in a way.

Heart breaking to hear. To think some of us here could have added to that number if it wasn't for this thread.

I thank everyone here who has shared and been able to talk about stuff, whether to get it off their chest, rant, or just feel as though they need to speak to someone. Some of us guys don't get the opportunity to talk to people IRL or are too afraid to for fear of repercussions or rejections. As someone in their late 40's, I have found this thread just to read and share feelings to be helpful.

I hope we can continue to upbuild each other to continue on and make others guys aware that they are not alone.

Keep checking in on one another even in message form.

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by blueoval

I thank everyone here who has shared and been able to talk about stuff, whether to get it off their chest, rant, or just feel as though they need to speak to someone. Some of us guys don't get the opportunity to talk to people IRL or are too afraid to for fear of repercussions or rejections. As someone in their late 40's, I have found this thread just to read and share feelings to be helpful.

I hope we can continue to upbuild each other to continue on and make others guys aware that they are not alone.

I'm surrounded by men who hide every emotion rather than let it out. For men, it's the fear of being seen as weak or a whinger. If a man is speaking out about mental health, its just something most men don't want to listen to, in other words suck it up, paint on a smile and suffer in silence so you don't ruin my day too.

Just my observations.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I'm surrounded by men who hide every emotion rather than let it out. For men, it's the fear of being seen as weak or a whinger. If a man is speaking out about mental health, its just something most men don't want to listen to, in other words suck it up, paint on a smile and suffer in silence so you don't ruin my day too.

Just my observations.

You're right Deyon. This attitude could be the downfall for some. While I understand the whole 'suck it up' approach can be useful for a lot of things in a man's life. It shouldn't be for men who are struggling with battles much bigger than them. It's funny how even a listening ear can even make a difference to a guy who just needs someone to be a sound board.

[b0son]

Originally Posted by Citroënbender

Since late December, there appears to have been an uptick in the number of men going missing, most aged between early forties and later fifties, followed by a body being found with “no suspicious circumstances”. It’s quite sad in a way.

Not surprising.... xmas is a stressful time, especially if you're alone due to a family breakup.

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by b0son

Not surprising.... xmas is a stressful time, especially if you're alone due to a family breakup.

It's especially stressful when you see so many people getting ready and excited about that time of the year, but know the reality is completely different for you.

[Interceptor]

Originally Posted by Citroënbender

I read the NSW Police media updates most days, partly to see what they’re thinking (per official comments)

In Queensland, the very unofficial line is that if they're called to any kind of event where someone is showing any kind of mental instability whatsoever (even if its caused by the sheer presence of the police) they will either take you to the local hospital for evaluation by the "mental health professionals" voluntarily, or you go in cuffs. Simply put, if you're not all sunshine and rainbows, you're screwed.

Why? "Because we're not qualified to make that call, and if we dont take you to the professionals and something happens later, then it makes us look bad."

I wish it was a joke, but it isnt.

[DFB FGXR6]

I'm reading a novel at the moment that is dragging up some extremely painful memories. One that I really should stop reading for the sake of my own self, but I need to ride it out.

While the author listed trigger warnings at the beginning, I didn't put much thought into it. In particular, a car accident and subsequent death of a close friend, then quite graphic descriptions of suicidal depression and self-destruction that followed that event.

In the first months of high school, I had a feud going with this guy in my home group. For whatever reason, he and I butted heads. But................we ended up best friends. Even the teachers couldn't figure that one out.

We were each other's shadow, both of us hardly popular, so we had each other's back. Both of us had heath struggles, me with diabetes and he with ADHD. We were both in the school theater production, not me on stage though as I was into the technical side. We would spend weekends at each other's house, camping, learning to drive a car and motorbike.

One day, he and his mother surprised me by announcing that he was leaving school to work for his uncle as an apprentice diesel mechanic. That had always been the plan for him, I guess he wanted to waste no time getting started, while I was happy to go to the end of year 12. We then began living in different worlds and drifted apart. Working 9 to 5 under a truck and covered in oil was miles apart from studying, writing English essays and the horticulture and woodworking I was pursuing. After that, and after I finished school, we would cross paths, but only here and there.

I will never forget the random Saturday afternoon when one of my other mates turned up unannounced. I was chirpy, but he was solum and insisted I sit down. I asked why, only to be told of the horrible car accident that claimed my former best friend's life. I can't remember the details though, other than the car rolled and claimed him instantly, his immaculate and hard-earned green VS Commodore a write off. The funeral came and went, I can barely remember it. We would have been 19 or 20 at the time, I'm 37 now.

I have never really spoken about this since. The nightmares and dreams continue to haunt me though, causing me to relive what I lost over and over. Likewise reading this bloody book. If there is a positive, I guess the book prompted me to finally vent this from my system.

[prktkljokr]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I'm reading a novel at the moment that is dragging up some extremely painful memories. One that I really should stop reading for the sake of my own self, but I need to ride it out.

While the author listed trigger warnings at the beginning, I didn't put much thought into it. In particular, a car accident and subsequent death of a close friend, then quite graphic descriptions of suicidal depression and self-destruction that followed that event.

In the first months of high school, I had a feud going with this guy in my home group. For whatever reason, he and I butted heads. But................we ended up best friends. Even the teachers couldn't figure that one out.

We were each other's shadow, both of us hardly popular, so we had each other's back. Both of us had heath struggles, me with diabetes and he with ADHD. We were both in the school theater production, not me on stage though as I was into the technical side. We would spend weekends at each other's house, camping, learning to drive a car and motorbike.

One day, he and his mother surprised me by announcing that he was leaving school to work for his uncle as an apprentice diesel mechanic. That had always been the plan for him, I guess he wanted to waste no time getting started, while I was happy to go to the end of year 12. We then began living in different worlds and drifted apart. Working 9 to 5 under a truck and covered in oil was miles apart from studying, writing English essays and the horticulture and woodworking I was pursuing. After that, and after I finished school, we would cross paths, but only here and there.

I will never forget the random Saturday afternoon when one of my other mates turned up unannounced. I was chirpy, but he was solum and insisted I sit down. I asked why, only to be told of the horrible car accident that claimed my former best friend's life. I can't remember the details though, other than the car rolled and claimed him instantly, his immaculate and hard-earned green VS Commodore a write off. The funeral came and went, I can barely remember it. We would have been 19 or 20 at the time, I'm 37 now.

I have never really spoken about this since. The nightmares and dreams continue to haunt me though, causing me to relive what I lost over and over. Likewise reading this bloody book. If there is a positive, I guess the book prompted me to finally vent this from my system.

I can understand what you are going throug, I hope this doesnt bring up any unwanted thoughts.

I think you will find that most people have similar experiences, I think if you can make it through your teenage years without burying a freind you are lucky.

I lost 4 really good freinds when I was 18 all in seperate accidents over a 6 month period, 3 were passengers all in seperate car accidents, it was hard to come to terms with then and even though I am now 56 its still hits me as a unnessisary waste of life, hearing about the death of a freind or going to a funeral is still hard and brings up memories of freinds past.

Im now 56, I would say I have lost about 30 friends since, it does not get any easier and the memories of each 1 of them is brought up every time, I cant tell you how to cope as I dont even know, but I do have a drink for all of them at each wake, I know they all live on in the memories of all the people that had the pleasure to get to know them.

[ford71V8]

May ask what the title of the novel is DFB?
The written word can be powerful eh, stirring up the emotions.
Sounds like you had formed a bond with the mother too - ever thought of reaching out?


One of my best friends in high school passed away young. We had already drifted apart like the way you wrote, however I attended his funeral in the background and spoke to his younger brother who remembered me. Their mum was one of those bubbly happy people. She lost her husband and then oldest son yet somehow continued to have that positive happy outlook.

A few weeks ago my mother told me she bumped into Mary while out shopping. Reports are she is still the same after decades have past. My mum couldn't recall her name but Mary remembered her and me. Some mums are amazing.

[FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0]

There is a saying: a problem shared is a problem halved.

I'm not sure I agree on the half bit, but at least sharing how you're feeling can be a release. It can feel like a weight off your shoulders.

The advantage with sharing on a forum like this is that it's difficult for anyone to reply, or offer advice or suggestions. It's like blurting it all out without ramifications. Plus there's also the fact that you need to write your post out in the first place. That gives you an opportunity to consider your words and how it makes you feel. Some can find that very therapeutic.

[blueoval]

I have read some therapies involve writing out things about yourself and situations. Kind of like a journal. The articles below are worth a read if you have the time. Talks about the benefits of writing therapy and positive effects it has on the brain and heart.

https://positivepsychology.com/writing-therapy/
https://thehumancondition.com/writing-therapy/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/4-wri...b0c50640cd5fdd