Who still talks to family members ???

[uniacidz]

Originally Posted by H.G

well I still haven't spoken to my brother and his wife since before xmas 2012..
my parents have recently made the effort to make amends.. even though they did nothing wrong.. I guess mostly for mums sake..

I still can't see it in my heart to bother with him.. my whole life I've had to walk on eggshells around him..
Im no saint either and have been the creator of my share of issues..
I'm not a bad person because I dont want anything to do with him..
if it were anyone else I wouldn't waste my time with them.. so why waste it on him.

I fail to see any substance in that whole family is everything slogan..
its a forced situation which guilt seems to be the primary reason for forgiveness.

Hey

This is virtually what i have with my brother

Im now closer to my parents then ever and my brother sounds the same as yours, have to walk on egg shells and quite frankly enough is enough.

Its sad that its come to this, and my parents agree with my observations about him and his behaviour and I know hurts my parents that my bro and I dont talk now, but its for the best as I see it and quite frankly, after the initial **** fall, things have now settled and better for all i reckon.

No more, he said this, he said that.

[STINKY NINJA]

Haha you can pick your friends....
I like it when i meet people who get along with their family,makes me feel good that not all families suck.

[TheSneakiness]

Tried re-kindling with Mum about 6 months ago. Didnt really work cause after being blind to it for so long and listening to an outsider as such (my wife) I know now all problems in my family are caused by the dropkick she decided to live with. The way my brothers act and believe is OK, directly comes from him.

I've decided that I do not want my son to see what he does on a daily basis and the best way to accomplish this is to not speak or see her.

Maybe one day when hes gone this might change but not now.

[The Yeti]

Well I'm in the process of organising a get together for my fathers side of the family, the last one we had was christmas 10 years or so ago, since then my sister held a do at her place one christmas (about 6 or 7 years ago and got a good chunk of them but other than that its been funerals

I still talk to my uncle (dads younger brother who always looked up to him) so we decided since Xmas is so busy for every one lets do it in July we picked a date and through it out for coment no one had a problem with it, one cosin and his wife have booked flights from the US for it, my mother and sisters are up for it, my uncle is obviosly good for it and one other uncle and his wife thats it, that uncles wife have all suddenly got prior comitments and its too far to drive from the central coast, the other aunt and her grown up kids are all doing their hair or some such, so it seems it'll just be a dozen or so, which will be good, but I would have liked the majority of my family there, :(

I guess mum was right when she said my dad was the glue of his family, I just foolishly thought I would try to take over that role

[ryeman]

I suspect my kids use Facebook/twitter etc.
I'm not into it, don't hear much.

[b0son]

I'm a migrant, so other than my parents and my wife's family (interstate), noone else here. She goes back to see her family every few months, I go once a year.

I have family overseas, but unless they visit my parents, I dont maintain any contact. I've no desire to go back there. Whenever my parents visit them for a few days, they return the favour and come here for a few weeks and want to be ferried around everywhere. They seem to have this belief that we're all rolling in it here.

Its just genetic code. I dont see the need to maintain contact for appearances sake.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by The Yeti

Well I'm in the process of organising a get together for my fathers side of the family, the last one we had was christmas 10 years or so ago, since then my sister held a do at her place one christmas (about 6 or 7 years ago and got a good chunk of them but other than that its been funerals

I still talk to my uncle (dads younger brother who always looked up to him) so we decided since Xmas is so busy for every one lets do it in July we picked a date and through it out for coment no one had a problem with it, one cosin and his wife have booked flights from the US for it, my mother and sisters are up for it, my uncle is obviosly good for it and one other uncle and his wife thats it, that uncles wife have all suddenly got prior comitments and its too far to drive from the central coast, the other aunt and her grown up kids are all doing their hair or some such, so it seems it'll just be a dozen or so, which will be good, but I would have liked the majority of my family there, :(

I guess mum was right when she said my dad was the glue of his family, I just foolishly thought I would try to take over that role

Great effort mate, keep up the good work your doing, Im sure he's proud of your commitment.
Make sure your get together is a blast, word will get around and the absent members will think twice in future.

[supershifty]

Originally Posted by b0son

Its just genetic code. I dont see the need to maintain contact for appearances sake.

^^^^ This! You nailed it brother.

[Spurious]

You can pick your friends...carefully...and you can choose not to associate with family.

I've disowned just about all of them. I used to think that I was the one who needed an attitude adjustment but know I know better. My relatives sh_t me to tears.

My mums a control freak and wears the pants...my sister is a snobby uppity female dog...my dad is a "my way is the best way" kinda guy with a 60's attitude towards everything...my aunt used to be a bank teller who's milk comes from a carton,(not a cow,oooh YUK!) hasn't worked in 30yrs, lives off her husband and acts like the queen...her kids, my cousins, are just snobs who would detest a mere fart joke.

All in all my family members should have their profiles deleted!!! Most of the afore mentioned people decided to disown me 2yrs ago after I didn't go to a christmas lunch. WTF!!!

I'm just happy to keep to myself nowadays and i'm raising my only son with open eyes to the ways of the world.

[gtfpv]

I'M 44 , been through all of that family stuff , probably still more to learn , and a lot of it is still there exactly the same .
all i can say is , just be yourself and be easier on others than they are on you .
with that attitude lifes not so bad . people will still be peed off at you and you at them , but hey thats the way it is . unless someone is doing harm . dont barr them , and if people barr you , dont hold a grudge . it's their problem .
what i find is then you usually only see people at functions , and your ok with that . but they will help you when /if you need it and you'll help them if they need it . it's kind of like looking past somebodies problems and maybe they can look past yours .

Reading this thread has taught me that most families seem to be dysfunctional . therefore it must be the norm .
no point disowning everyone .

[Iggypoppin']

Just got back from Perth where I visited my mums side of the family. Grandmother, 5 aunts and uncles, numerous cousins and now some first cousins too. Everyone is still close and no bickering or silly family arguments.
Unlike my fathers side, which is pretty much torn apart since the death of my grandparents on that side of the family. Grandad died first then my grandmother two weeks later, it didn't take long before my aunt decided to turn nasty in regard to the will. Once the dust settled she had managed to make her daughters hate my dad, disowned him (not me my brother or my mum) and didn't want anything to do with us. My dads brother Leo is the most sensible and kept on everyone's good side. My dads other brother John I haven't spoken to in 8 years, he decided to just leave the family completely.
Families are strange things. They can be close and loving for 3, sometimes even more generations, or they can hate each other once the oldest generation dies out. I'm thankful I'm thankful I'm still close with all my relations but I wish things were better for the older (and supposedly wiser?) generation.

[Papa Smurf]

You know, I just re read this thread and I always thought I was a fairly emotional person who gets a little maudlin when reading this sort of thing but, the one post I re read that left me cold was my own, I felt NOTHING... sad you say? maybe, but realistic.

I have come to the conclusion that my life is what I made it and so there is no one to complain about or to BLAME for my short comings.
Like I said before, to those that have a fine ongoing relationship with their relatives, more power to you to the rest, deal with the fact that not everyone in the world you will like, including family.

[Spurious]

I've had my ups & downs with my family but I always stayed in touch when I could. Mind you, some of them have arms that are painted on & can't pick up a telephone!

Everything started to change back in '07 when I moved to WA from NSW to be close with my sis & her kids. Then I realised she only wanted to hang out if it were at her place with her wide screen tele' and her $2000 lounge suite. In the 2years I was there she & the kids only had dinner at my place once, I even bought a 6 piece dinning set to accomodate them.

Everything changed when mum flew over from A.C.T to visit. My sis had ma' stay at her place & wanted to control her every move. Hell I even copped a death stare the first day ma' was there cause I rocked up unannounced!

Ma' noticed her attitude so after 2 weeks at sis's place she invited my son & I up north to monkey mia with her for a week. My sis either quit or got sacked from her job the day we were to leave & decided to tag along. Ruined everything. We nearly killed each other when we got back so ma' fled on the next available flight.

A few months later and no contact with sis', ma' decided to buy a house in Tas & asked if I wanted to come.

I was all for it (me 35 & my son living with both of them) so I packed up my stuff, drove to the A.C.T, helped ma' pack up her house (step dad was already in Tas to work & finalise new house sale) then off to Tas.

Now 3yrs on, the house had to sell, a modern 4x2 (stepdad got a mortgage on something way too exspensive) & we moved again but into a 3x1, I said it wouldn't work but ma' wanted the cheap rent & she wears the pants!

So after the umteen'th dispute I moved AGAIN. Got my own place and didn't get a lick of help from any family members with the move. We have spoken once in 3 months, but you know...i'm happier this way. Sad sad sad

[Happyone]

This is my new family I will talk to anyone here.

But in terms of my own immediate family apart from one of my sisters all the other scum bags can suck *****.

My dad past about 10 yrs ago ...mum may have well as !! one sister have not seen for 30 yrs, one step brother just wants to steal and bludge off everyone else....two younger sisters are a product of mum unfortunately (bitter twisted and want to pull everyone else down to her level.

Left it all behind me 32 years ago and have soared ahead of them all.

That old saying, if you lay with dogs you get their fleas is so true !!

The other true saying is ...life, is what you make of it !!

[Ben73]

Originally Posted by I reckon

Jesus what a miserable thread this is . Stop your bickering and ring your parents . Brothers. Sisters .whatever .

Don't wait to meet them all again at the next funeral!

Agreed

My dad used to never see his sister and her family due to something stupid that happened 20 years before.
The death of 2 brothers and 1 other sister (all aged less than 45) opened their eyes and finally brought all the remaining siblings together again.
Now they are the best of friends most of the time even though some of them live 3000kms away.

[uniacidz]

Yeh i had to sort out my **** with my brother..
Basically just wiped the slate clean.

Was my dad's wish before he died on Sunday.





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[H.G]

Sad news uniacidz, all the best mate.

[nuthin' fancy]

Family are people, it is hard when you have to hold them to the same standard as everyone else. Some truths about my dad were revealed whle he was still alive. He chose not to acknowledge or deal with the information I had been given. I gave him and mum a chance to explain, they wouldn't take the opportunity so I saw nothing of them in the five years before dad died and fifteen years before mum died. I thought she might come around after he had passed but she chose to defend her husband for unspeakable acts, so be it. Her choice.

I'm sad that my daughter never got to meet her grandparents but once we cut mum and dad out of the loop, the family get togethers with my siblings were great.

I'm comfortable with the choice I made in the circumstances but I would much rather not have had to make the choice.

[uniacidz]

Originally Posted by H.G

Sad news uniacidz, all the best mate.

Yeh cheers mate

Was unexpected and sudden but now not suffering so it's better for him.

But he was a great bloke. Will be missed alot.



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[The Yeti]

Originally Posted by uniacidz

Yeh i had to sort out my **** with my brother..
Basically just wiped the slate clean.

Was my dad's wish before he died on Sunday.

Man that sucks, I know what its like to loose your dad

[The Yeti]

Originally Posted by The Yeti

Well I'm in the process of organising a get together for my fathers side of the family, the last one we had was christmas 10 years or so ago, since then my sister held a do at her place one christmas (about 6 or 7 years ago and got a good chunk of them but other than that its been funerals

I still talk to my uncle (dads younger brother who always looked up to him) so we decided since Xmas is so busy for every one lets do it in July we picked a date and through it out for coment no one had a problem with it, one cosin and his wife have booked flights from the US for it, my mother and sisters are up for it, my uncle is obviosly good for it and one other uncle and his wife thats it, that uncles wife have all suddenly got prior comitments and its too far to drive from the central coast, the other aunt and her grown up kids are all doing their hair or some such, so it seems it'll just be a dozen or so, which will be good, but I would have liked the majority of my family there, :(

I guess mum was right when she said my dad was the glue of his family, I just foolishly thought I would try to take over that role

OK it was looking rather grim for a while, but turned out great

all we had was my wife & kids, my mum, my sister, her husband & 3 kids, my ungestes sister (her husband and son stayed home as the son had been sick and in hospital earlier that week so they get a leav pass) my uncle and his wife, and my cousin from the US his wife and 2 kids, that cousins parnets and siblings couldnt make the 1.5 hour drive from the central coast so they never caught up (Shame really but thats their internal issue)

To say it went of well was an understatment, my US cosins kids slotted in with mine and my sisters kids as if they were life long friends, infact, I got the motor bikes out, and the 2 10yo girls (my daugther and my cousins daugther with my 9yo neice as pillion passanger) were off down the back in less than 5 mins, the 3 boys were off digging holes and haveing wars all in under 5 mins of their arrival and they didnt stop until I served dinner,

infact if I hadnt have taken the keys out of the bikes when the sun went down they would have been riding them (taking turns boys V girls) until every one went home at about 1am

some one said the others would find out how good a night it was and it seems one of my uncles rang my mum and woke her at 9am to find out how it all went those guys only had to drive from Liverpool so about an hour, but I guess its their loss

the weather was COLD and windy, and my fibro hovel is too small to have everyone in so I borrowed a big jetbalst heater from a mate and dropped the doors on the shed and we had it in there not the most picturesque setting but we all fitted and we were all warm, and as my shed has its own bathroom there was no need to go over to the house the entire night (though the kids ended up in there for a Wii challenge)

At 1 pm on the day I said I wouldn't host another one, but now I would like to try for another next year,

[poppa smurf]

well done yeti......make it annual at the very least, then catch up or ring each other on birthdays/xmas/special times.

when the **** hits the fan all we will have left is family......when they are gone, they are gone.

we are an extremely close, large family and our gatherings (at the drop of a hat) are huge.....I wouldn't have it any other way.......my heart goes out to those who have internal family problems that miss this life enrichment but I do understand that sometimes we can pick our friends but not our family.

when it's all said and done.....just do your best to get on and if that isn't good enough......move on.

we only go around once, here today doesn't mean we will be here tomorrow, don't dwell on that which you cannot change.

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

I text Mum every so often and my grandmother as well so that's good for me. I tolerated my step dad but now couldn't care less about him. My two brothers, the less said the better the bloody alcos and stoners.

I love my in-laws as they are a real family. Everyone is close but because of my upbringing I tend to show jealously and this impacts them negatively which turns my wife against me and I hate it.

I havent seen or even heard from my real Dad since we moved to QLD in 1997. Ive tried looking but dont even to where to look or even know if hes alive. I have cousins who live up the road from me (literally 10 minutes away) but talking to them is awkward cause of what happened.

Well my stance changed on the bolded too. FIL is a lazy tight **** **** who likes taking money off us whenever we see him (and the BIL). MIL is a control freak who if she hasn't had the last say in what's happening she will literally chuck a tantrum. Plus everything must be spotless clean and life works to a timetable.

Cause they moved to northern NSW to satisfy said FIL desire to not work anymore they've changed their attitudes for the worse.

At this rate my son is not going to know who his grandparents are and thats through no fault of his own.

Still would like to know what happened to my real old man so if anyone knows where to start and can help please let me know.

[The Yeti]

Originally Posted by poppa smurf

well done yeti......make it annual at the very least, then catch up or ring each other on birthdays/xmas/special times.

when the **** hits the fan all we will have left is family......when they are gone, they are gone.

we are an extremely close, large family and our gatherings (at the drop of a hat) are huge.....I wouldn't have it any other way.......my heart goes out to those who have internal family problems that miss this life enrichment but I do understand that sometimes we can pick our friends but not our family.

when it's all said and done.....just do your best to get on and if that isn't good enough......move on.

we only go around once, here today doesn't mean we will be here tomorrow, don't dwell on that which you cannot change.

what you have sounds exactly like my wifes family, and I some times ***** about my inlaws, but I tell you what, when the ***** down theyre the first to come round and help out, and thats how it is with my mum and sisters to the most part, its just the rest I cant seem to get to stick

we'll get there, I'm kicking my self that we didnt get any photos, as that would be a perfect "sales gimmick" to encorage the rest of the family for next time. Because if they could see how well all the kids got along they wouldnt have missed it for the world

going forward my wife and I are planing on visiting my cousins in the states in the next few months and my uncle is coming back our way in November for a cattle thing so he will leve the cows in our paddock for the night and we'll all go out, so its starting, I think once word spreads the others will want in.

I'm thinking once I know the exact date of my uncles thing I'll try to hoste another pre Xmas thing and let them all know again, obviosly the US ones wont come again so soon but they will get an invite all the same, I dont think we'll ever get it like dad had it when I was my kids age but we'll throw the invite out and see what happens

[poppa smurf]

mate reading your thread put me in mind of when we were on the farm, shooting/trapping rabbits and foxes, motorbikes and kids everywhere......we cant have the motorbikes now but the memories are there to last a lifetime.

we have "matured" a bit now, particularly around the middle, kids have kids, and we have grandkids.

interesting to see the little "things" and "values" we encouraged are now being taken up and passed on by the next generation.

there will always be a few of the families who will simply not "fit in" for various reasons and those whom we are probably better off without (rapid axes input).

we either accept it or we go mad.......I'm sure when the rest of the family hear of your gathering Yeti they will either do one of two things, raise the hate level or join the next one.

lets hope maturity prevails and they will join.

if nothing else this thread has made me appreciate that which I have a lot more and with a little luck may encourage others to "try" just that little bit harder.

obviously impossible in some cases in which case all I can say is expand the group you have now.

[The Yeti]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Well my stance changed on the bolded too. FIL is a lazy tight **** **** who likes taking money off us whenever we see him (and the BIL). MIL is a control freak who if she hasn't had the last say in what's happening she will literally chuck a tantrum. Plus everything must be spotless clean and life works to a timetable.

Cause they moved to northern NSW to satisfy said FIL desire to not work anymore they've changed their attitudes for the worse.

At this rate my son is not going to know who his grandparents are and thats through no fault of his own.

Still would like to know what happened to my real old man so if anyone knows where to start and can help please let me know.

my mother in law can be controling at times, but on the whole we do all right my FIL has an excllent relationship with my kids to the point I'm actualy worried as my kids get older they wont wantto be around their grand dad any more and he will be heart broken, Ive said in other threads my FIL and my son have a full on vegi garden at our place and he comes out most weekends and tends to it with my son, they go to the family beach house all the time and the kids have a ball, mt daughter will spend entier days cooking with my MIL and they all get along fantasitcly

I work with my FIL in my second job as does my wifes brothers wife so we are pretty close in that area as well

if my dads side of the family could be 1/2 as tight I would be happy

my mums side of the family is a bloody good balance, we see them 4 or 5 times a year, I'm closer with some than others but dont have any real problems with any of them and I know when Dad died it was my moms brother that brought pizza down to the work shop at 2am while we were waiting for the police to finish and dad to be taken away, they were fantastic

my dads brother on the other hand just wanted to tell me how much pain he was in after his latest sholder operation at the funeral and wasnt at all fussed about how my mum, sisters etc were doing

like I said if it was possible for us all to be closer I would be happy, but after the get together if I remain close with those that attended I'll be happy

[L3eroy101]

******* family, my family were very close knit kinda family , until my ex junky cousin whom my mum put a roof over her head while she went thru her problems . anyway the *****
banned me from the family chrismas coz she thought i was a junky wich i was far from
by then . so moved to cairns where some family friends have lived for long time, best thing ive ever done.

[TheSneakiness]

Originally Posted by poppa smurf

there will always be a few of the families who will simply not "fit in" for various reasons and those whom we are probably better off without (rapid axes input).

Just on this point... I don't feel like I can fit in cause of a number of things (this is in-laws side and trust me I've tried numerous times)

- I don't know about boating or commercial fishing
- I never worked in one of the big two supermarket chains
- I don't follow South Sydney in the NRL
- I'm not a hands on person (was never really taught about building or power tools or anything like that, I've had to self teach)
- It's expected you help out without being asked (my upbringing, if I was in someone elses house I'm a guest and are to act that way)
- I don't drink

You know it gets to a point where you either don't want to visit or get depressed because you don't know about that. I've asked and I get the "you're not good enough for that so shut up" look.

[poppa smurf]

well, I'm not going to nag you or tell you what to do.....but I would ask one thing....just keep trying or perhaps even have a talk and speak out about your feelings with them.

it may simply be a perception that you have that you are not "good enough".....may in fact turn out to be just the opposite, speak with an open mind.

dont be too judgemental.....people rarely come up to spec if placed under heavy scrutiny, ourselves included, better to simply forgive shortcomings and love them and their foibles.

but you have to walk your own path and decide whether to try or if it is, in your eyes, worthwhile.

[The Yeti]

Originally Posted by Rapid_Axe

Just on this point... I don't feel like I can fit in cause of a number of things (this is in-laws side and trust me I've tried numerous times)

- I don't know about boating or commercial fishing
- I never worked in one of the big two supermarket chains
- I don't follow South Sydney in the NRL
- I'm not a hands on person (was never really taught about building or power tools or anything like that, I've had to self teach)
- It's expected you help out without being asked (my upbringing, if I was in someone elses house I'm a guest and are to act that way)
- I don't drink

You know it gets to a point where you either don't want to visit or get depressed because you don't know about that. I've asked and I get the "you're not good enough for that so shut up" look.

I wont tell you how to suck eggs but heres some things that have worked with me and my inlaws and also my Sisters Husband

With my sisters husband who is very Ball sports focused and also in the building industry (2 things I'm not) I simply asked questions, showed an interest if you will, I didnt fake an interest, simply if we was talking and I had know idea what he was on about I asked, soon when it came to cars and bands (2 things I love and hes not in to) he did the same and now we get on pretty well.

For us, we are both hands on people so I guess even though we dont have simular interests we still have simular thought prosess

I was simular with my inlaws to you if I'm a guest I dont want to impose, where as my inlaws are like no your family now and we all chip in, that was an easy fix and just a re educating of how I do things, where as I would knock on the door even when they were expecting me they saw that as an insult, so now I only nock if its an unexpected vist, like wise if its a family dinner, pft its easy to load the dish washer with out being asked, and its helped alot with the relationship

they have learnt as well, they know to call before they visit now, so we both give and take its worked well

I drink but my inlaws dont so Irespect that, I wont crack open a beer at their place for a standard family dinner but if their at our place I will just simple stuff like that goes along way

if its in the garden my FIL is a wiz but if its anything to do with tools or technical forget it, so I pick up the slack there, like wise I dont pretend to know gardening so I ask his advise

its taken 18years to get to this point but trust me it makes it alot easyer at home if you can get on with the out laws

DONT BE A WALK OVER THOUGH you still have to be your own person, but giving and taking works wonders