Quote:
Originally Posted by SYZ
For me, confrontation would be out of the question. My reaction? Anger-> frustration-> withdrawal-> tears-> shutdown. In extreme cases I've had panic attacks—which is a whole other ball game!
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Yes it certainly isn't a good idea to endure confrontation for me due to
1. nothing good comes out of violence, obviously.
2. But with me, because I was such a gentle and placid child , after years of enduring bullying and constant parental demands to turn the other cheek, that when in my late teens i was still getting picked out of a crowd in pubs n clubs to be challenged to a fight, my mind finally snapped. Thats when i discovered i was a lot stronger and sadistically violent than anyone or thing i had endured prior, there were/are no rules or morals if you forced me to physically defend myself, as i have no control after i disassociate from reality. So that began my anti socialising by avoiding alcohol induced events, didn't leave much besides church, but it made me feel uncomfortable,.. the singing of hymns within my 'hypocritical parental'' catholic upbringing and then with the rocking evangelical born again meetings, there was the healing by laying on of hands and need to speak in tongues that just made me feel like... how do i put it... like it was insulting my intelligence, taking goodness too far, this is just how i feel. My faith can't out way my intelligence, even for the better good of me socialising with, it most cases, genuinely good hearted caring supportive people. So i again fight depression and isolate myself from the anxiety that comes with the days recollections of what i may have did or said that was inappropriate this time. Ok this session's time is up, later and again thanks for all your support to our cause.