[DFB FGXR6]

I'm back on the downward spiral. The last week has been probably the worst I have felt for a while.

My default mode when I'm like this is to shut down and shut people out. My interactions with people are short and sharp, in a leave me alone type of way. This behavior then ruffles feathers and then I feel bad for loosing my composure and upsetting others. And so the cycle repeats and I feel like a burden to others. I just want to hide.

I'm tired all the time and everything feels like an effort. The combined stresses of my health, work, family and certain other struggles is leaving me with the question of what is the point of it all.

I don't really have many people to talk to about all this. I don't want to burden my family for the fear of making situations worse for them, or incur the wrath of a very un-sympathetic sibling who should know better in regards to mental health. I have the guiding wisdom of a neighbor and work colleague but that only helps so much, the internal dialog returns and the cycle continues.

I have a GP appointment tomorrow, I suppose I will be further doped up to make things bearable.

They say life is for living.

I'm feeling like life is for suffering at the moment.