[whitelion65]

Hang in there older.
You sound like you’re ready to talk, even if very angry...that’s all ok. Talking is the main thing. Can you get to see a GP, and get on a mental health plan? I hated this step, but it saved me. I’m not out of the woods, but I think I’m still walking in that direction.
Take care brother, hard to offer advice without sounding like a d!ck. But get rest, talk, don’t drink too much....if you do, don’t come down on yourself.
Keep talking on here if you feel that helps. Lots of great blokes (and one or two girls) always happy to help.
God Bless