[Tui2]

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Problem is, i've known about this for a looong time and have sat here for hours going through different scenarios and considering different avenues to regain employment but deep down i know it wont matter what path i decide to take, be it a busted **** job or study to become something worthwhile, it will all be for nothing as i know my toxic personality will lead me back to where i am now.

I know i have issues, my whole life has been one kick in the guts after another to the point where my psychologist admitted im the worst case he has ever had to deal with, the most dysfunctional background he's ever had to try and unwind.
I think he even gave up to be honest, when you've been a certain way your whole life, as long as you can remember, im not sure if its the thought of being someone different that worries me, or that its just easier to continue on this way.
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And I've just came out of another few days of lock down to read that I'm not alone. 50years for me teachers... school and tech ..bosses some with compassion most without...and the reality of knowing just what I am will continue a lonely existence though better it not involve ones I love who aren't prepared to understand enough to make this disorder manageable with them in it. and as above my psych seems lost as to only offer an ear... but I know I am worse without the meds so he is not getting away from me that easily. Please continue to vent here people.. God knows I need yas