[Burnout]

Instructions for your AussieSheila

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR decision to choose an AussieSheila. Your investment
should give you a lifetime of pleasure and trouble-free operation. Please
read these instructions carefully before use. (if ya follow the user
manual that is!)

Warnings
* Not suitable for use with maps.
* Requires regular chocolate supply (not included).
* Contents may settle over time.

Getting started
* Servicing your AussieSheila requires considerable skill and knowledge.
Please leave adequate time and proceed cautiously. Each step must be
thoroughly completed before moving on. DO NOT SKIP STEPS.

* Do not attempt to service your AussieSheila if she is still connected to
a telephone line.
* If your AussieSheila appears difficult to get going, it may be your
fault. You may be in the wrong gear. Try changing out of your
T-shirt and Stubbies into something more elegant. (see that
fella's.....it's not always the girlies fault!)

Ongoing use
* Unlike some overseas models, the AussieSheila will not operate on limited
supplies of power. Please ensure 100 per cent access to any available
household power.

* Your AussieSheila comes with an attractive and durable outer casing.
However, due to problems in the ego panel, your AussieSheila may believe
her outer casing to be drab and unattractive. This fault is general to all
models and is not covered by your warranty.
Remove access to any mirrored surfaces and gently attempt to reinflate ego.

* If asked to assess whether your AussieSheila's bottom appears large in a
certain outfit, stand directly in front of your
AussieSheila, holding her shoulders with both hands, and employ the phrase,
"No, not at all." FAILURE TO FOLLOW THIS SAFETY WARNING
CAN RESULT IN SERIOUS INJURY TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS.

Troubleshooting
* Fault: My AussieSheila keeps breaking down.
Solution: Your AussieSheila is designed for multi-tasking. However, during
multi-tasking, dangerous levels of guilt may build up on all working
services. Your AussieSheila may blame herself for problems at both home
and work, noting that she is juggling so many tasks she cannot be expected
to perform them all to a high standard. In extreme cases she may even feel
guilty about events quite beyond her control, such as the recent failure
of the Russian wheat harvest. Try to remove accretions of guilt using a
soft cloth.
Attempt to encourage her to pump blame through to where it belongs: her
boss, the kids, you and Vladimir Putin.

* Fault: My AussieSheila is difficult to turn on.
Solution: Before attempting to turn on your AussieSheila, you must pay
close attention to her three main erogenous zones. These comprise: the
kitchen floor, the shower recess and the bathroom floor. Make sure you
give each of them a thorough rub, using a circular motion and lots of
elbow grease. Once your AussieSheila has observed her AussieBloke on his
hands and knees, dressed in his shorty pyjamas, scrubbing out the shower
recess, you may find she has already turned herself on.

* Fault: My AussieSheila refuses to order dessert at the restaurant, but
then eats all of mine.
Solution: Order something she doesn't like.

Waivers and exclusions
* The word "help" should not be used, especially as part of the phrase "Can
I help with the housework?" Your AussieSheila does not want "help" with the
housework. She wants you to bloody well do your share. (damn sure!!!)

* Occasionally your AussieSheila will use language more befitting a Sydney
wharfie. This is not considered a fault but is merely a regional variation
in the language pack.

* Care should be taken with any observation relating to an AussieSheila's
shape or tummy size. You should only compliment an
AussieSheila on her pregnancy if you can see an actual baby emerging at the
time.

A final word
* While requiring more power than some models currently available overseas,
the AussieSheila remains a world beater in terms of responsiveness,
durability and excitement albeit not always in ease of handling. Use your
AussieSheila with respect and care and you will enjoy years of dependable
and enjoyable service - service only available from the happy folks here
at AussieSheila.com Enjoy!